Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Shoot me now

It's graduation time again. Oh, goodie. My disdain for commencement ceremonies comes from two sources: Having been deeply involved in the planning and execution of such ceremonies while working in a college public relations office; and being in the newspaper business. Try to write (or supervise the writing of) interesting and non-cliche headlines for dozens of graduation stories over the course of about three weeks. Just replace the names of the schools and the students, and you are reading the same story over and over. It's torture. Completely inhumane. Luckily, I think, I'll be working the wires for much of this graduation season.
But I did come across something very cool today. This kid is my new hero. Maybe the kids in our coverage area will get the same idea. Read it here.

Naughty Wednesday

Damn, it's Wednesday already. OK, try this.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Dan Brown Sucks

This about sums it up. I tried to read Brown's earlier work, "Angels and Demons," and it was so horrible I couldn't finish. He's a terrible writer.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Lord, I apologize ...

OK. I'm really sorry about that big balls post (see below.) This will totally make up for it. Completely safe for work. In fact, have everyone gather around.

Naughty Wednesday

OK. This one is really really gross, yet an interesting study of human sexual behavior.
So, we all know about those pump devices men (and some women, it turns out) use to make themselves look bigger. What I didn't know is that there's a subset of men who use the pump on their testicles -- sometimes achieving alarmingly huge proportions! There exists an Internet chatboard of these pumpers, many of which post pictures of their, um, results ... some of which probably should have received medical attention.
WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART! These images are extremely explicit and often completely unappetizing. And, as always, not safe for work.
Here is the link ... remember, I warned you!!!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Car Wash Asshole

I went on one of my rare trips to the car wash yesterday. Why is it that every time I go, there's always at least one white man, usually in his 20s-40s, who has to stand next to his SUV or 4WD lifted truck, and point at spots on the vehicle where he thinks the (usually) Mexican guy with the towels hasn't done a good enough job of wiping off? And then there's almost always no tip given. I know because I watch closely when it's time for the exchange.
Oh, and then Mr. Whiteman has to get into his vehicle and get his mirrors just right and see if everything is still where it belongs. You never know when the Mexican is going to steal the change out of your ashtray.
I guess if you have issues with your small dick, you get to be a big dick.

Drink a Big Stick

We discovered a while ago that if you mix Kool-Aid Fruit Punch mix and Gatorade Lemon-Lime mix (both presweetened) that you get something that tastes a lot like a Big Stick popsicle. Use slightly more Gatorade than Kool-Aid for tart, or opposite for more sweet.
You also can mix it really strong and put it in a blender with a ton of ice and make a Big Stick slushie.
Add some tequila, and you've got a Big Stick margarita.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Growing up in the 1970s

I recently saw one of those "do you remember" things on the Net, targeted at girls who grew up in the 1970s. (Although lots of these creep into the 1980s):
"Did you own a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it?"
Yes. It had training wheels for the first couple of weeks and there's a Super 8 movie somewhere of me riding it on Christmas morning.
"Did you think Gopher from Love Boat was cute?"
Yes, I did. Now he's an asshat politician.
"Did you wear a poncho, gauchos, and knickers?"
Yes. Yes. And yes. Cordouroy knickers to be exact.
"Did you beg Santa for the electronic game Simon? Did you get it?"
Not exactly. I wanted Simon really bad but it was too expensive ($35 I think?) ... so after the craze was just about over, I got a generic "Simon" game. By then it was no big deal.
"Did you have homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color?"
Yes. I wore them so much they were dingey and rusty but I didn't care.
"Did you want to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad?"
Yup. She got to ride horses and that was cool. I read all the "Little House" books, too.
"Did you want your first kiss to be at a roller rink?"
I don't remember. My first kiss was when I was 11. Travis Ruffet. Funny looking red-headed kid. It was in the dark on my back porch and it was kind of yucky. He had braces. Blech. It was more of a "let's get it over with" kind of thing.
"Was your hairstyle described as having "wings" or "feathers"?
Feathers, but I didn't get my "feather" haircut until I was about 12. I was totally behind the curve on that one. Until then, I had waist-length straight stringy hair, no bangs, that was parted down the middle and held back with barretts. I wore them so much I had bumps on my scalp.
"Was it a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV?"
Yup. My mom would talk about how she had wanted to make costumes for the movies when she was younger. Wish she had followed her bliss.
"Did you make Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your T-shirts?"
Shrinky-Dinks -- yes. I think my mom did some iron-on stuff, but I can't remember what it was.
"Did you used to tape-record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker?"
Hell yes. "Eye of the Tiger" was very popular at the time.
"Did you read Tiger Beat?"
Yup. Especially if Adam Ant was in the issue. I also liked C. Thomas Howell and Matt Dillon. OMG. I WAS a geek!
"Did you think Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics?"
Uh huh.
I also made those lanyard things, where you wove different colors of thin plastic strips into key chains. My oldest brother worked for the recreation department and he sold the plasticy stuff by the foot to us kids after school.
I was a weird, nerdy loner kid (still am!) who liked to draw and spend time alone with my pets (then a dog, a cat and a rat).
I also took one riding lesson a week starting at age 10 or 11. The lessons were at a kind of crappy stable, but I was THRILLED to be able to ride. Then I got stupid and thought boys were cooler than horses. I finally pulled my head out of my ass and started riding again.
I didn't like the other kids much because I always was being teased for not wearing the "right" clothes -- like Izod polo shirts or Jordashe jeans. I knew kids so rich that they NEVER wore the same outfit twice in a school year.
The few friends I did have -- like Robin, and later Shannon -- we would play horsie by giving each other piggy-back rides over jump courses we made out of anything we could find ... brooms, cinder blocks, you name it. (Oooh ... sounds like something from "Girls Gone Wild," doesn't it?) I think that's why I have a bad back today!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Magic Man

OMG. This sounds like someone's eulogy or something. It's just a love letter of sorts, so don't get all worried!
My other half for the past five and a half years has been doing all sorts of creative things at work with technology. It was only tonight that I finally got to see a compilation disk of some of the projects he's done over the years. There was one I even did some voice work for (that was a blast, btw). But it's funny that all this time I have seen very few of his finished projects. I've heard all about them.
What a treat it was! There were about a dozen short films and animations that he wrote, produced, directed, animated, coded, voiced, acted and/or filmed, all with little or no budget, but with great help from equally talented colleagues. What an impressive, diverse group of people. (I wonder if he's aware of what a great job he has?)
I've always been proud of him, but this time I was really blown away. Sure he has had some tough times, but stepping back to watch his work shows that all the commuting and the long days have a purpose. He's leaving behind something memorable, and making people smile along the way. Most of us don't get to leave a mark like that in the workplace.
Lately, he's been writing technical documents for his company. Not exactly his cup of tea, I'm sure, but there hasn't been anything he has said "no" to, even if it was something completely new to him. (I wish I were that brave.) In fact, he usually masters whatever it was he was so concerned about being able to do.
We are very different people in the respect that he'll jump into a lake without knowing how deep it is. I'd rather go in slowly, all the while holding on to the pier. I like my often boring/routine/predictable job. If he had to do my job, he'd probably go insane. Were I in his shoes, I'd probably implode from having to come up with new ideas every day.
At home, he's been teaching people horsemanship for the past couple of years. He's as gifted a teacher as he is an artist. He's got a natural gift for breaking it down and repackaging it so people get it. He's a good rider, but he's an amazing teacher. He doesn't subscribe to one style or method. He's very open to anything that works. Most of his students learn to ride bridleless so they can learn to control the horse with their bodies, not the reins. He even uses thai chi breathing techniques to calm students if they become tense.
He taught me how to golf years ago -- "in only a few easy lessons." Really. I took a college course to learn to play golf and he got me to progress more in two hours than I did in an entire semester. I of course didn't stick with it, but I got to the point where I could hold my own on a tame course and have a good time.
He doesn't just show you the skills, but convinces you that you can do it. I think some of that comes from the fact he wasn't allowed to give up on something as a kid. He's able to pass on that "I know I can" he has achieved through his own hard work.
Gosh, he sounds like one of those "life coaches" the rich folks have. But his skills are all instinctual and from experience (he's had a very interesting life, but I need to get to bed). He didn't have to go to some fancy college for a degree in psychology to learn how to motivate people.
Anyway, if you read this, you are a Magic Man. I know no other way to put it. You are amazing. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you. I love you.

Naughty Wednesday

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Quantum Physics and Prayer

The scientific exploration of how we're all connected is getting more attention lately.
I first opened my mind to what quantum physics really is about when I saw "What the Bleep Do We Know." Quantum physics shows we're still trying to find the answers to the unanwerable, and I think that shows there still is hope in humanity. Einstein believed science proved the existence of God. And we're still at it. Science is showing us in tiny glimpses that there really is something to intuition, group consciousness and faith. It's not just an aimless search for answers to explain our existence and purpose. We truly are starting to understand that there is more to us than what the empirical mind says exists.
I especially like to listen to interviews with scientists and researchers on late-night radio. This used to be the domain of psychics and UFO theorists, but now real live scientists are talking about how DNA removed from a person and placed miles away reacts at the exact same time, and in the exact same manner, that the body is reacting to a stimulus. Major bucks are being spent on this type of research, especially overseas.
I heard part of an interview with Gregg Braden tonight, whose written a bunch of books and markets the heck out of himself. This one especially sounds interesting.
Religion and science. I love when two things come together, two things you'd never in a million years would think were simpatico. Kind of like this.
There's beauty in things that our logical minds tell us don't belong together. Call it yin/yang, whatever. It's a reminder to keep your mind open and just consider what you've been told is impossible.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

It's Naughty Wednesday!!

This is the inaugural Naughty Wednesday post. ENJOY! (Thanks, Matt!)
(This is NOT safe for work, folks.)